How Christian Women Lose their Identity

Mother holding her child as it naps

I want to tell you a story and see if it resonates with you.

Sarah is 30 and has been married for 5 years. She and her husband have two beautiful children. Before getting married she was working full-time and achieved her bachelor's degree.

Sarah was actively involved in her church and had a strong relationship with God where she was daily finding her identity in Him.

After getting married Sarah began to put her husband first over God. She also stopped doing the things that brought her joy. She gave up on her desire to create a business. She stopped hanging out with her friends. Slowly she started allowing what her husband’s wants and needs were become her own.

This only became worse when her kids were born. Sarah completely stopped having any hopes or dreams of her own. Instead, she made her identity about her husband and kids.

Fast forward many years later and Sarah is going through the processes of her kids going off to college. With these looming changes Sarah begins to feel herself panic.

She and her husband haven’t spent one on one time together in a very long time. To the point that they now barely know each other. Sarah’s children have become her friends and confidants.

She finds herself panicking about how she is going to fill her days. What is she going to do with her kids being gone? A thought that makes her stomach drop is that her kids have become her life. Without them, who is she?

While this story might not fit your experience exactly, I am going to guess there are parts of it that do.

I find it important to write about this topic because of the number of women who come to me for identity issues.

Heck, I myself had to do some major soul searching on this topic. I had allowed my ex-husband to become my entire world. If he didn’t like something neither did I.

This is not healthy! Nor is this God’s desire for each of us.

I am not communicating to not love your husband and children. I am not saying that being a wife and mother are not a calling.

What I am saying is your identity has to be in God, not through your children or husband.

When God creates, He does so with the utmost of intentionality. In that intentionality He bestows beautiful gifts and a purpose for us on this earth.

In order for us to walk in God’s purpose we have to have our own identity and strong relationship with Him.

So, what is identity?

In Genesis 1:27 it says,” In the image of God He create them; male and female He created them.”

In the article found on the website Desiring God titled Identity in Christ they give an amazing definition of identity. They say, “Christian selfhood is not defined in terms of who we are in and of ourselves. It’s defined in terms of what God does to us and the relationship He creates with us and the destiny He appoints for us. God made us who we are so we could make known who He is. Our identity is for the sake of making known His identity.”

God created us with an identity that He is using to make His identity known. When we make our identity something else we are communicating to God we don’t care about His purpose and we know better.

Moving forward I encourage any women reading this blog to make God first! This is the only way that your identity will become known and strong.

If you are in a position where you need help on this journey click this link to fill out my contact card and schedule a FREE 15 minute consultation.